Hector’s House
Supporting someone after a suicide attempt
Guidance and resources for anyone supporting a loved one following a suicide attempt.
Has a loved one attempted to take their own life?
The Hector’s House team can only imagine what a worrying, upsetting and distressful time this is for you. There are usually so many questions, so many ‘what ifs’ and a sense of hypervigilance that can really drain us of our own resources and energy.
You don’t have to shoulder this alone.
Is their life at risk?
If you feel their life is at imminent risk, this is an emergency. Call 999 and asking for an ambulance or bring them directly to your nearest A&E department
Stay calm. You can do this. We believe in you.Â
A resource for anyone who is supporting a friend or relative following a suicide attempt or who is experiencing thoughts of suicide.
A comprehensive guide to supporting someone following a suicide attempt or a mental health crisis.
Using tried and tested, up-to-date advice and strategies.
Approved by a clinical psychologist, suicide prevention experts and carers of those attempting suicide.
Includes local and national resources, intervention skills and the importance of self-maintenance as a carer.
The Hector’s House team is here to answer any questions you may have about keeping someone safe, some do’s and don’ts when talking about suicide and where to find more guidance. Remember – so far you’ve done your best with the knowledge you had at the time.Â
- Ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide. It is safe to do so and won’t be putting the idea in their heads. You can use our 1-10 scale. 1 being unable to stay safe, 10 being great. Ask a few times a day, and see what you can do to get their number higher. If it’s a 1, suggest a helpline below for them to call.
- Stay calm. Show you can handle anything they bring to the table. Be a container for their emotions, keeping yours separate for now until you get some time for yourself or support from Hector’s House team. Â
- Instill hope. The Hector’s House team can tell you with confidence that with the right support, things can and will get better. They will get through this. They’re already showing us so much hope by talking it through with you. Find some hope and highlight it as much as possible.Â
- Ask them to tell you more about it. What got them to feeling this way? Listen deeply using our listening tips before and reflect back to show that you get it. Let them know that what they have to say and how they are feeling is important.
- Get further help immediately. Get in touch with Hector’s House or use one of these helplines. You don’t have to shoulder this alone. If you feel they are unable to stay safe, don’t leave them alone and remove any access to harmful materials. Call 999 or take them to A&E. They might not like this, but you can tell them you’re doing it because you love them and care for them deeply. Â
- Downplay what they’re going through. This is important. We can’t start an empathic sentence with ‘at least‘. It’s OK to tell them that what they’re going through is horrendous, and that it’s understandable why they’d be feeling rubbish.Â
- Criticise or blame them. Although this is having a massive impact on your life, we don’t want them to feel guilty or like a burden. They probably already feel this way which is why they’ve not wanted to reach out for support.
- Give them advice. We naturally want to problem solve and rescue our loved ones from difficult situations. At this point, we just want them to reach out for further professional help.Â
- Compare to your or someone else’s experiences. Telling them you know how they feel because you went through something similar can leave them feeling invalidated. We want to focus completely on their experiences.
- Guilt them into staying alive. Sometimes, asking a person to stay alive because of how it’d make you feel only heightens feelings of being a burden or feelings of guilt. We want them to stay alive for themselves. Â
- Forget that you’re doing the best with the tools you have. There is no handbook for these situations. You are not an expert in mental health. You are a loving, caring individual who is doing their absolute best for their loved one. Be very proud of all you’ve done so far.Â
Finding your loved one the right support can be really challenging – especially if they’re reluctant to speak with professionals. A few negative experiences can knock their confidence in the services out there, but we’re not giving up on them. Here are a few ways you can get them support in addition to the help they get in the NHS. Â
Looking after someone after a suicide attempt can be incredibly draining. It’s so important that we look after ourselves during this difficult time. Although it might feel counter-intuitive, self-care needs to be a priority. After all, you cannot pour from an empty cup.Â
Download our safety plan template and fill this out with your loved one. You can share this with any professionals, friends and loved ones you feel comfortable with.
Ask your loved one to download the Stay Alive App by Grassroots. This is an amazing resource with a safety plan, ways to stay safe, helplines, emergency contacts and more.Â
Rethink Mental Illness has a great information page on how to cope with thoughts of suicide for your loved one, and many more resources for you to browse through.
Youth suicide prevention charity Papyrus has a huge amount of downloadable resources on their website, as well as a helpline if your loved one is under 35.
Mind Hertfordshire Network also has a Nightline Crisis Helpline – there for you from 7pm to 1am, every day of the year for both people at crisis and loved ones supporting someone. You can call them on 01923 256391.Â
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Mind Hertfordshire Networks run Nightlights Crisis Cafés in Watford and Stevenage. Open from 7pm to 1am every evening, seven days a week, 365 days a year. The Crisis Café in Ware is open 7pm to 1am on Friday – Monday.Â
The Nightlight Crisis House in Hemel Hempstead has four bed spaces that can be used if an overnight stay would help you to resolve a crisis. The beds are available (depending on capacity) seven days a week, 365 days a year. Stays in the Crisis House are assessed through the Nightlight helpline.