Marisa’s Story🫶🫶
*This story talks about suicide and mental health struggles*
Marisa (name changed for confidentiality) has decided to share her story with the Hector’s House community in the hope she will remind people they are not alone and recovery is possible! We are so proud of her and her bravery sharing her story.
Read her story below…
This time last year my life looked a lot different, I was attending a psychiatric day unit after an attempt on my life.
Trying to work through my pain, my diagnoses and whether life was worth continuing.
It was in this time I was diagnosed with rapid cycle bipolar disorder
on top of pre existing borderline personality disorder, and while I found some relief in learning of this, at the time I couldn’t necessarily process the existence of both mood altering disorders and I must admit the combination felt overwhelming.
Suicidal thoughts have been a part of my story, and I won’t pretend they weren’t. For a long time, I thought they would always haunt me.
When I first was admitted to the ward, I was filled with self hatred and was unsure I had much left in me to continue, I felt as though this would last forever.
With some acceptance and a bit of time I began to make connections with people, recognising we were all alike in an unspoken way, which hurt to realise, that some of the kindest souls are plagued with such unhappy minds and thoughts.
Finding such kind and compassionate people in my lowest time, helped more than I could say.
So slowly, I decided to really try, put in the work in treatment, therapy, accept the support, medication and choose to continue.
I graduated from my unit and a year on think fondly of my time spent there, and beyond all, thankful for those just like me for offering me kindness when I couldn’t give that to myself.
However, recovery isn’t linear. Some days still feel heavy, but there are also days filled with laughter, with connection, with moments of peace I never thought I’d find again. I want to share that because I know how hopeless it can feel in the middle of it all, when you’re convinced nothing will ever change.
What I’ve learned is that change is possible. Healing is possible. Hope is possible.
Spending months in the day unit gave me space to pause, to be honest about how unwell I was, and to start rebuilding. It didn’t “fix” me, but it gave me tools, support, and a reminder that I am not alone. And that reminder is something I want to pass on.
If you’re reading this and you feel lost, please know this: your life has value. Even if you can’t see it right now. Even if you feel like a burden. Even if your mind tells you the world would be better off without you. Those thoughts are not facts. They are symptoms of pain and pain can change.
One year on, I still live with bipolar and BPD. I still have difficult days. But I also have dreams, relationships, and a future I want to keep fighting for.
To anyone struggling: don’t give up on yourself.
Recovery isn’t about never falling, it’s about learning that you can get back up and you don’t have to do it alone.
